When I turned 30 this year, there was something tough about it. It was another decade. I was no longer "twenty-something." I'm not really sure why, but that kind of hit hard. It was like I was starting some other chapter, although not. I remember, as a kid, when I was with friends and we pretended to be older we were never over 29. So somehow "30" was old. Wasn't I supposed to be somewhere else in my life by now? I had once thought that I'd have 2 kids by the time I was 26. But where am I really supposed to be. Maybe I'm in exactly the place that I am supposed to be...wherever that is!
[self-portrait, 1998]
Today (well techincally yesterday, since it's after midnight) would have been Kayci's 30th birthday. But 13 years ago the world lost out on her and another bright light, Nick, in a fatal car crash. ((My posts from 2008, 2009). Each year that goes by it's like I have to recalculate how many years have passed, because it just doesn't seem possible. But 13 years. In 3 years she will be gone as many years as she was here. Crazy. She will forever be 16.
Tonight, my mom and I went to SweetLife for a birthday dessert to remember her. Kayci would have loved this place. A creative little bakery, with a large variety of teas to choose from. It would have been right up her alley.
[Happy Birthday!]
The anniversary this year, October 6, had an added layer to it in that last year the night before the anniversary her dad was diagnosed with multiple brain tumors that took his life within just a few short months. I do find some comfort in knowing that this is the first year that her and Bob are together again. I spent the anniversary of her passing working on a painting- I wanted and needed to be creative with paint to remember her.
[Painted Oct 6, 2011, in memory of Kayci Mc-Curry-Armstrong and Nick Ferrer]
Nick and Kayci- we all still miss you so very much. I have no doubt that the two of you would be living amazing and unbelievably creative lives.
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